Using Mantras for Emotional Regulation in Parenting

Have you tried using mantras in parenting? If not, you might be missing out on your new superpower! 

I love using mantras in parenthood—it’s one of my top tools that helps me stay regulated and act from a place of my values as a parent.

Here are a few reasons why mantras work:

1. Calms your mind - they provide a focused point of attention, allowing your mind to calm down and manage the mind swirl you might be experiencing 

2. Zooms you out - allows you to have a bigger picture focus/perspective so you can act from a place of your values 

3. Serves as a reminder - helps remind you of whatever it is you need most right now 

4. Keeps things easy - if you have a specific mantra that you know works, you can just default to it. Trying to figure out what to do in an overwhelming moment is so hard, but having defaults to rely on can really help

5. Forces you to pause - so much in parenthood in about regulating our own emotions. Having a mantra forces you to pause and regulate a bit before responding

6. Helps you find your calm in the storm - we are are children's upstairs brains and yet their dysregulation can often impact our regulation. Having a mantra can help you maintain your groundedness in the midst of chaos

How to use mantras:

Step 1:Pick 1 or 2 mantras that resonate with you

Step 2:In a moment when you feel triggered, repeat the mantra that applies best to the situation silently in your head until you are more regulated. You can also try pairing it with some deep breathes

That's it! So simple and yet so effective! 

5 Mantra ideas:

1. "See past the [trigger] and see the learning"

Why this works:

If things like messes, loud noises, or things taking a long time are your biggest triggers, this mantra could be especially helpful. It encourages you to zoom out and focus on the bigger picture. For example:

• The mess from mud play? It’s actually fostering valuable neural connections!

• The loud play your kids are engaging in? It’s helping with brain development and organization

Sometimes, in the middle of the chaos, it's easy to get caught up in frustration. But by reminding yourself to see the learning behind it, you can shift your focus.

Personally, I often tell myself this mantra when:

• I'm tripping over my son's train tracks winding their way through the house

• My daughter (and me!) are covered in yogurt as she learns to self-feed

In those moments, instead of getting frustrated, I remind myself that this mess actually serves a purpose and helps facilitate the big picture that I care more about than this momentary inconvenience.

2. "They aren't giving me a hard time, they are having a hard time."

Why this works:

This mantra helps to shift you out of a "victim mentality." It reminds you that the behaviors you’re seeing are not personal attacks, but rather signs of your child navigating their own challenges. By adopting this perspective, you can approach difficult moments with more empathy and patience.

3. "I'm safe in this moment. There is no emergency."

Why this works:

Sometimes, our children's behavior can trigger deep emotional wounds or past experiences, causing a heightened sense of reactivity. When we react strongly, our body is often trying to protect us from something it perceives as unsafe—whether or not there’s actually a threat.

This is a deeper area we can explore in a 1:1 session, as it often involves personal triggers that may need resolution. In the meantime, this mantra can help ground you in the present moment, reminding your body that you are safe and that there is no actual emergency.

Grounding Exercises:

To reinforce this mantra, I like to pair it with a quickie grounding exercise, such as:

• 5 Senses: Take a moment to note what you see, hear, smell, and feel around you. This helps bring you back to the present moment.

• Deep Breaths: Place your hands over your heart (this can be grounding in itself) and take 5 slow, deep breaths to center yourself

• Focus on your feet: Imagine them deeply rooted into the ground and supported 

4. "One day I'll miss this"

Why this works:

In the midst of the chaos, it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and forget how fleeting these moments truly are. This mantra helps me zoom out and put things in perspective. When I remind myself, “One day I’ll miss this,” it shifts my mindset and anchors me in the present.

To do this, I often imagine myself as an older version of me—looking back at these days. I picture the moments when my children were small, crawling all over me, needing me in ways that felt overwhelming at the time but will one day feel like precious memories. This shift in perspective brings a sense of warmth, even when the present feels chaotic.

Sometimes, I picture myself as a time traveler, sent back to relive this exact moment—this messy, noisy, exhausting moment. By doing so, I can appreciate the transience of it all.

When I remember just how fleeting these moments are, gratitude and grace naturally replace frustration. This shift doesn’t minimize the challenges of parenting, but it allows me to reframe them—transforming those moments into opportunities to savor what I have, even when it feels difficult.

5. "Every day they'll need me a little less."

Why this works:

Our children grow a little bit every day, and with that growth, they begin to need us a little less. On a day-to-day basis, the change is subtle, but eventually, you realize it’s happening. This mantra was especially powerful for me during the newborn stage, when I needed constant reassurance that things wouldn’t always be this demanding. Each day, my baby would grow and change, and that reminder helped me persevere through the challenges of those sleepless nights and long days.

Even now, when my children need me intensely—whether it’s for comfort, help, or guidance—I remind myself that one day they won’t. This thought gives me the strength to keep going. I want to look back and know that I was there for them, fully present, giving them all they needed at the time.

It’s a reminder that nothing is forever. The constant demands of parenting may feel overwhelming now, but they will eventually ease, and I want to remember that I gave it my all during this fleeting season. I want to know I did it to the best of my ability and in the way that felt right to me. I want to be an old woman with no regrets, just pride.

I hope these mantras are helpful in your journey of parenting with more peace and presence. Let me know what resonates with you or if you'd like more ideas!